Putting the Pieces Together

We had a lot of fun putting together the pieces of the fundraiser puzzle tonight.

I wasn't quite sure if the theme--"bringing home our little piece of China"--with the china tea set puzzle was too cheesy, but it's growing on me.

Julia absolutely loves it.  She did not want to go to bed because she said it was the prettiest thing she's ever seen and she just never wants to stop looking at it.

 She was thrilled to know it will be framed in her room when we're all finished with it.

I agree it is very pretty on the front side.  

But now the back side is becoming beautiful too, as we fill it with names of friends and family who are so kind to want to help with the cost of bringing this little girl home.  We are so grateful to each of you!

My memory is not so great, so one of my favorite things is to write down family moments I don't want to forget.  Really excited to have this keepsake as a reminder of the support and love we have through the adoption process.

If you're interested in donating to our adoption via our puzzle fundraiser, please see this link for all the info:  https://www.purecharity.com/crabtree-family-adoption.

You can also send a check with for the child to be adopted by the Crabtree family (yes, exactly that wording) on the memo directly to our agency (just let me know about it so I can add you to the puzzle):
Small World Adoptions
PO Box 1109
Mount Juliet, TN 37121

Paper Pregnant

In the adoption world that's what they call it when you're officially starting the adoption process.  Paper pregnant.  I don't know if it's because that's the only way you can affirm you are going to have another child--the papers that approve you to adopt--or if it's because if I put the stack of papers we're going to need to gather under my shirt, I'd look like I was pregnant.  I looked up the definition of pregnant and this one seems to work too:  filled with meaning or emotion because of what is going to happen or be said.

When I got those signed papers back that said we were approved for China, they definitely had a lot of meaning and emotion because of what they signify is coming.

Regardless, here were are.  Paper pregnant feels a little like the regular pregnant.  I have trouble sleeping sometimes, it doesn't always feel like it's really happening, it's fun to share our news, we have a lot to do to get ready for our child, and I have this feeling in the back of my head that everything's about to change.

But it's been different in a lot of ways.  For one, how the news is received is different.  People aren't automatically so excited.  There are a lot more kinds of feelings attached there.  And questions.  And misconceptions.  And probably judgments.  I'm so thankful for the many who have reacted with such love and support for us.

Another thing different is that the stuff I would normally start trying to figure out right away is taking a back seat to the stuff we need to do to make the adoption official.  We haven't spent more than 2 minutes total talking about what we'll name her.  We haven't figured out what we'll need for her--clothes or baby stuff or bed or...we don't even know how old she'll be.  The papers we need to gather are more concrete I guess, so they take precedence to the more fun parts of planning for another child.

The biggest thing different of course is that she's probably already born.  She's somewhere in China--maybe in a hospital, maybe at an orphanage or foster home.  She is there and I have no idea what is going on with her.  I can't feel her kick or get a check up to make sure all is well.  There will always be a big part of her life that we won't know.  She is a stranger to us right now, yet one day, we're going to have trouble remembering life without her.  Still processing all these things and pondering what I'm feeling in this "paper pregnancy".

The Year Ahead, Why China, and Other Thoughts!

So what is ahead for our family over the next year or so with this adoption thing?  Well I don't really know all of it yet!  My lovely friend--oh, and the China program director--will give us an orientation soon, but in the meantime I have read through the 100+ page handbook to get an idea.

I can definitely tell you there will be lots and lots of paperwork!  Lots of retrieving documents, making things official, mailing this and that, taking pictures, filling out forms, etc.  

The first part of that stuff will begin soon with our homestudy, which I've learned is not just a study filled out about family by a social worker, but also includes time for us to learn more about parenting an adopted child.  That will take several months. 

The next part of that stuff is our dossier to China, which includes some of the same paperwork and some different.  That will take another several months.  

Then all gets mailed to China and a few months later if we haven't chosen to be matched with a child that has more moderate to severe special needs, we'll be matched with a child with minor special needs.  That takes us toward the end of the year I think.  

Then a few more months to get everything in order with the match and we'll get word that we can make our travel plans.  We'll spend about a week and half or 2 in China and come home with our little sweetie!

You may be wondering why we picked China.  Again, not the expert, but here are 3 reasons:

1) As I said in the previous post, trying to adopt from the foster system was not the right fit for our situation.  Also domestic private adoption can be full of lots of ups and downs, things falling through, etc.  It can also go perfectly smoothly, but because of the reasons below, we decided not to go that route.  It also seems to take awhile to be chosen by the birth family when you already have a passel of kids.

2) We already have close family friends with kids adopted from China that we can walk through this with and share life with when our child is home.  It is such a comfort to have my dear friend handling our adoption.  And it's great for our Chinese child to have families around her that are similar to ours so she doesn't feel like the odd one.  (Along those same lines, there are other wonderful families we know that are adopting from China too!  We'll be able to do this journey together and help each other continue to celebrate our children's culture when they come home.)

3) China's process for special needs kids is dependable, ethical, and fast.  They've been at it a long time and agencies know just what to expect and how to handle all the details.

And why the special needs program?  From what I've read, in China there is a deep social stigma attached to children with special needs.  I think it's changing for the better (see this article:  http://www.lwbcommunity.org/birth-defects) but in the meantime, parents aren't feeling like they can raise these kids and there aren't enough being adopted domestically...yet.  Some parents also just can't afford medical care.  The article about said almost all the kids that come to an orphanage have a special need, so adopting a healthy child could take many years.  We'll have to make hard choices at some point about which needs we feel we can handle, but I'm not thinking about that today!

Now when I think about going all the way to China....whew!  That is going to be a big stretch for me. The extent of my foreign travel is a little day trip across the border to Vancouver to visit their aquarium when we lived in Washington.  That's it.  I like the familiar and feel nervous going somewhere different.  But I also know that when we lived hours and hours from home in WA for a time, I got to see things and do things I'd never done before and it was such a great experience.  I expect China will be a challenge but really amazing for this homebody.  And there's a tiny adventurous side of me that can't wait! 

Crabtree Kid #4: A long time coming!

I lay awake in the middle of the night and think about it.  I wake up in the morning and it still doesn’t seem quite real.  I have to remind myself that it’s true—we are adopting from China and about one short year from now we’re going to be a family of 6.  How did we get to this place?  I think it’s been in the works for a long, long time now.  

I can remember talking with my mom years and years ago about what I wanted to do when I grew up—to run an orphanage.  I even remember what road we were on as we discussed this.  I don’t have a great memory, but some things just stick in my head.  Like hours after Joshua was born and I went to see him in the Special Care nursery, where he lay under an oxygen hood.  The feeling was overpowering—how much I loved him, how he had this big, supportive family that would even come all the way to Missouri to set eyes on him, how there are little ones laying in hospitals who have no one there celebrating their arrival, holding their tiny hands while they receive treatment, and how much I wanted to adopt.  Funny thing to feel the day you have your first baby.

But lots of life events got in the way of those dreams and before we knew it, we had three kids.  Still, I really wanted to adopt.  I read all I could get my hands on about international adoption, infant adoption, older child adoption, refugee teen adoption, foster care and with every story I said to myself, “Yes.  I want to do that.”  But it wasn’t the right time.  There were moves, job changes, going back to school, etc. and it was just too much.  And Matt was not at all ready.  

Sometimes I would despair at this not-right timing.  I remember one such afternoon that I felt particularly frustrated about it all.  We were headed to a play date for new Voyager kindergarteners and must have had a discussion about adoption on the way.  I don’t remember the details except that I was sad and the moment we got to the park, I looked up and the first family I saw was a mom and dad with two obviously adopted children.  I knew when I saw them they must be the family my friend Carla mentioned were also going to Voyager.  And in that moment, it felt like God was telling me to be patient and that we’d get our chance at adoption one day.  I was right about that family.  It was the Bakers who, as it turns out, have played such a big role in this process.  Lisa is now a close friend and the one we are working with at Small World, as she’s in charge of China adoptions.  

So this adoption thing is a very long story in the making.  The latest bit is that Matt and I agreed to start seriously looking into it this year, around Julia's birthday when the reality of youngest child turning 6 was setting in, and I really had no idea what decision we would make.  

We started with pursuing adoption from the foster system, but after our meeting with the social worker, decided it wasn’t the best fit.  The goal there is always to reunify kids and parents and all involved have to be 100% behind that and ready to do what it takes.  But since half of our motivation is to add a 4th child to our family, not just to temporarily care for a child, we needed to look elsewhere.  

After meeting with the Bakers, we decided that night to go for China.  It was a big surprise to me that Matt was ready to say yes.  I think it helped to hear the Bakers affirm his concerns and share that they had had similar thoughts, but that all turned out beautifully.  The night we decided was the night before Valentine’s Day.  We aren’t huge Valentine’s people, but it’s always been just a fun day to share with the kids, the big highlight being a treasure hunt for little gifts (this year was Valentine mailbox and a tshirt).  But now I think the holiday will take on a new meeting as I will always remember it was when my prayers were answered for a dream to come true.  

On Valentine’s Day at breakfast, we told the kids.  It wasn’t a huge surprise, as they have heard me talk and read to them about adoption for years now and they knew we were thinking about it.  Matt told them the child will probably be a girl (side note- in China there are now more boys than girls available for adoption I believe, so it’s possible we change our minds, but there is something so special about having sisters that I want Julia to experience) and Joshua said, “Another one?!”  We only have one girl, buddy.  Two isn't so many!  Gray immediately began making plans to learn Chinese and Julia just beamed and talked about how she’s been wanting a sister.

I will try to keep this site updated with our progress.  Another day I will write about where we are in the process and what’s ahead.  For now, I hope you’ll join me in thanking the LORD for his kindness to me and to our family.