This Week in Pictures

Wednesday: The boys' lacrosse practice got canceled and it was Matt's last night at home till Monday, so we had a rare school night movie night and watched Queen of Katwe, which I'd seen before but no one else had.  Awesome movie.

Thursday: Julia got to bring home her class mascot Lionel for the second time.  She was over the moon excited.

I finally got around to asking (making) the kids to help with the last of the mulch pile.  When they moan and groan like their life is hard, I envision a big pile of mulch on a hot day to help correct their perspective.  

But they did find it kind of fun.  I think Matt and I did too much of it without them.

Friday fun: Dinner party with neighborhood adoptive families.  

Julia really enjoyed playing with Maya (background), who is just 6 months younger.

Allie interacted a little with little Molly, who is 3.

So fun to see these three together, and to anticipate one more Chinese kiddo in our neighborhood joining this crew.

Julia had to get a picture with her friend who was in the Lemurs class last year.

Saturday and Sunday: the boys got to go down to their cousin's birthday party and spend the night.  The girls and I had some time in the car, some naps, and some neighborhood walks.  Julia and I had a "sleepover" after Allie went to bed.

 Monday fun:  Allie is almost at her date where she's cleared to submerge her scar and be picked up normally, so we made an exception and let her try at the pool at our friends' Memorial Day party.

The water was freezing!!  But she loved it.

She was very hesitant to get all the way in but then when I got her out, she'd point back at the float and say "This!".

The kids had a ton of fun (it wasn't as calm as these pictures show!).

Celebrations!

Can't believe it's only Tuesday--so much has been packed into the last few days!

After Saturday's run we had a quick trip to the pool and enjoyed being home with Matt after he had worked a lot this week.  Julia put together another party for us, with gifts for all, snacks served, homemade games, and even an offering jar for poor people.  She wrote sweet notes to the boys and invited them to stay after the party for a sleepover.  :)  Joshua, being Joshua and needing everything to be as it always is, declined, but Gray accepted.  He and Julia liked sleeping in the guest room so much they have continued three nights in a row.  I need to take a picture because it's so unlike them to buddy up and be sweet together.  Unexpected blessing!

Sunday was a special day, as the boys became communicant members of the church.  They have been taking a class for a few months now and had a short interview in front of the elders and their teacher to confirm that they were ready.  I won't say they wowed anyone with their interviewing skills, but since they were doing it early, they hadn't been through the class that prepared you for this part and I wasn't expecting too much.  But as a family, we're kinda low on the public speaking skills area anyway--should probably work on that!  I'm so thankful for the extremely knowledgeable teachers they have had.  These men have made them think a lot, helped them understand new concepts, and have made the stuff they've been taught for years come alive and be interesting again.

Monday was a wonderful day also, as I got to have a nice brunch with my coworkers to finish off the year and got to go to dinner with friends to celebrate an upcoming adoption.  (Thanks to Matt for holding down the fort at home so I could get out!)

Starting to work when Julia went to kindergarten was a bit of a scary and dreaded thing.  I remember the first orientation I went to after accepting the job.  I had met and talked with my boss, who has lots of people skills and is easy to get to know.  And I had talked with my assistant, who was an instant kindred spirit.  But everyone else was new and I hadn't been employed in 10 years.  I was nervous!  But after two years of working with these ladies, I so appreciate the chance to have a job I enjoy and to have coworkers who are as kind and fun as they are.  It was good to spend time with them and reflect on that yesterday.

Last night I helped give a shower/dinner out for one of my best friends, who leaves next month to add another little boy to her family.  Many close friends were able to come, including 3 other adoptive moms and it was so wonderful to be able to sit and talk, laugh and cry, reflect on our adoption stories and encourage Robyn in hers.

We have been home with Allie 3 months today and the more I know her, I think the more emotional I feel about adoption.  Giving birth to three children was amazing and it blew my mind each time I saw one of them for the first time..."There was really a whole little person inside of me?!"  But having a child through adoption touches me in a different way and maybe even more deeply.  There is just something so precious about it.  That there is a little girl from China we had only seen in pictures who is suddenly a member of our family.  That she didn't know us a few months ago and now we are her whole world.  That she is not even two but has a whole, big, amazing life story already.  She adds such a depth to our family's story too.  It's hard to put my finger on the right words, but it feels like a sacred thing, this privilege to be her parents.  I am so thrilled for Robyn and her family to get to experience that too.

Years ago- one or two houses ago, I had this vision come to my mind of me and Robyn being neighbors and adopting from China together.  At the time, I wanted to adopt and had talked to my friend Lisa about it, but was thinking of a Spanish-speaking country because I was so taken with the Latino children I'd come to know in our community.  And we had no intention of moving near Robyn--there weren't any houses we could afford and no land.  I don't know where that daydream came from, but Robyn's new child was even a little boy.  And here we are, living a few houses apart, adopting from China.  I don't make a whole lot of my "vision" except to acknowledge that God has brought me so many desires of my heart--even the ones I never expected to happen or waited years to see come true.

This morning we took advantage of Matt having a few days off in a row and headed to the museum.  So nice to just walk around with her and take in the scenery and animals.  Her favorite part was the new tree house area where they have a part just for little ones.  She loves practicing her stair climbing skills!

Other recent Allie pics:

Getting her vitamin E put on her scar.  

Her favorite place to play inside.

Her "playpen", so I can take a shower and keep an eye out.  She talks to me and waves to me the whole time and gives a big cheer for me when I'm finished.

Diaper Dance Party

The end again

This sure was a full week in our house!  Mother's Day Sunday of course...

Then Monday I headed back to work since my assistant had her baby.  I didn't know how it would be adding another thing to my plate, having to get everyone ready in the morning, etc, but it went great.  I got a warm welcome from everyone and it felt so comfortable- like I'd never left.  It was good to be with the kids one last week and to remember why I enjoy my job!

The girls got in a playdate this week and are loving making a mess in the sand and water on the deck!

Wednesday was the last day for the kids-- Water Day!  Lots of sun, excitement, and wet children.  And just like that, it was time to say goodbye to another year of preschool!  Endings are hard when it's been so fun and we did have some tears from sweet children.  It was a special week and I was glad  it worked out so well.

Julia and I finished the day with a training run, rewarding ourselves by stepping into Food Lion for a drink halfway through.  She was especially excited about the drink.  This is how she runs down one part of our path--jumping up and touching the trees on her way.  She goes from jumping to talking a mile a minute to collapsing as if she cannot move one more muscle...and repeat all that a few times.

Allie had a playdate with Nanny on Monday and part of Wednesday and hung out with Matt Tuesday and part of Wednesday.  All went well and she even did great coming in with me on Thursday to clean out the classroom.

We did have an incident on the way home Thursday in which I gave Allie her squeeze thing of baby food to keep her awake and noticed she got awfully quiet the last bit of the ride.  Got home to find out she was asleep and had squeezed out her food (nice green pea mixture) all over her legs.

Friday Allie and I ran errands to stay out of Matt's hair so he could rest up for his 4th night of work this week.  She loved getting some sunglasses at Walmart.  She is easy and fun to take places, which I'm grateful for.

Friday night we had our church goodbye to our dear friends who are moving to New York soon.  Another ending of an era.  Goodbyes are not my favorite.  Then Saturday morning we got up and headed over to the Got Grit race, where Julia and I completed the mile, our first race ever, and the brothers did the 5k.  I was soo proud of Julia.  For all the drama of our training, she really buckled down and focused and ran the entire way, which she hadn't done before.  She still talked quite a bit and let out lots of feelings about running- mostly good.  She did not like warming up in front of people with Jazzercise, but loved the rest of the race.  We finished just under 10 minutes which was so good for us!  The boys had great runs too.  Gray finished in 24 minutes and something--very close to 3rd place for 10-14 year old boys...he computed and committed to memory exactly how close of course.  And Joshua ran with a good friend the whole way and had fun racing him at the very end at a mutually agreed upon point.  I was so glad it went well for him, as he's never run that far.  He and his friend finished in 27 minutes and something.  Fast boys!  We had a good time and I especially enjoyed reconnecting with a family I had met at one of the Christmas craft shows who have adopted 5 teen/tween girls from India and China.  Super friendly and encouraging folks.  Also good to see many of our Hillsborough friends and neighbors.  Love living here!

What I Didn't Expect this Mother's Day

I expected to get card upon card from Julia, which I have in fact been getting for at least a week.

I expected to get last minute thrown together cards from the boys, which I haven't yet received at 5 minutes till bedtime...but they are in the works!

I expected to get a sweet sentiment from Matt in some form and he did write me a very nice letter.

I expected for things to be a little hectic this morning, packing up everything to take the kids to the boys' lacrosse practice during lunchtime and to feel a bit of regret that we had to leave church early again.  I knew it would be that way because of Matt's work schedule and it was okay, but still not my favorite.

I expected to have trouble finding lacrosse practice, because my navigation skills are quite limited, and I did get a tour of NCCU while 2-3 children played backseat driver throughout this adventure and I pulled in and out of various areas of the campus, correcting myself aloud each time I broke my resolution not to complain today.

I expected that Julia would not let me forget her commitment to find a homeless person to give the bag she put together at a friend's part recently.  She was adamant that we find someone and we were able to do that on the way home, which was nice.

I expected we'd have a nice dinner with Matt's family (and we did..especially enjoyed a sweet trivia game about each of us moms there, which Barnette put together), but that it wouldn't be quite the same with Matt having to leave early and go to work again.

I expected to have my Mama on my mind and feel thankful for her.  And to feel thankful that my grandmother made it home from the hospital on Friday, though we thought we were losing her a few weeks ago.

I expected to feel thankful that I'm a mother to the three I know so well and the one I'm just getting to know.  And I do feel so thankful.

What I didn't expect was for my thoughts to be so consumed by Allie's birth mother.  I do think of her sometimes, though I probably think of her nannies more often since we met some of them, have their pictures, know what Allie's life was like with them, and they had her much longer than her birth mom did.  But because it's Mother's Day, I just kept thinking of her.  It started yesterday with seeing posts on facebook encouraging moms who had lost children.  I kept looking at my sweet girl smiling and laughing and snuggling up to me and thinking that another lady should be holding her and watching her grow and teaching her new words and witnessing how precious she is.  Her birth mom will probably never even know what happened to her and there is something so hard about that.  Just cannot imagine how that would feel.  It's something that's been on my radar for many years now, but is so much more real now that it's part of our own story.

So I don't know how to describe how this Mother's Day was for me...happy, sad, normal, different.  I guess that's why when my sister-in-law asked if it had been a good day I didn't even notice I was shaking my head no while saying yes!  Adoption is amazing...and not in the overused way people say everything is amazing now.  It's really amazing.  But (not for the first time) I'm remembering today that it just isn't for the faint of heart.

Gray Gray

"Can you give Gray Gray a hug?" "Gray Gray's going outside now." "Give Gray Gray a high five." This is how Gray talks to Allie, in a high pitched, gentle voice of course.  He's still head over heels, though this month has brought some good lessons in what real love looks like because Allie is kind of done with being smothered and Gray kind of doesn't know any other way to love.  He doesn't have an innate sense of how to give and take in a relationship.  His perspective is something like "if I like it, you should like it and if you try to show me you don't like it, I will just keep it going till you do like it."  He's learning though!   He's starting to sing her songs that she likes instead of get in her face as much.  He's saying okay and backing off more if she tells him no.  It's tough to get what feels like rejection, even if you are being a bit unreasonable.

But Gray has come so far emotionally this year.  Our therapist tells us that kids with attention issues tend to be a couple years behind emotionally.  At 8, I distinctly saw big steps in Joshua's maturity.  For Gray, turning 10 has coincided with him getting a lot more control of his emotions (though I think he'll always wear his heart on his sleeve!), becoming more reasonable, and being able to communicate a bit better.  All such a relief.  I can now tell him to do or not do something that I know he's not going to be happy about and get an "okay" much of the time.  That was unheard of last year, no matter how simple or reasonable my request.  I feel like we are able to see more of Gray now instead of just dealing with a series of tornadoes.  We still have our tough days, but so thankful for the progress.

Gray continues to excel at sports.  When he was little, we didn't see the natural athletic ability that Joshua has displayed since he was a toddler, but whatever he lacks there, he's more than made up for by now with his determination, relentless ball playing, and fearless attitude.  Lacrosse was a new one for him too this year but because he leaps before he looks, he has done really well getting in there and grabbing the ball with no worries about getting whacked, and staying super focused on getting the ball to the net.  Most games he was able to get a goal.  The hard part was his unwavering focus on goal-making as a measure of his worth.  He is sooo into stats and was always calculating his average goals per game.  Every single day when we walk back from the bus stop he is telling me his stats in kickball at recess.  He will go on and on in front of his peers about how he did in whatever athletic thing he tried that day and how horrible he was if he didn't measure up to his standard, with no regard for how the kid listening did on the same game or race.  I think it's the thing that most concerns me about Gray--his trouble with empathy, especially when he's fixated on something.  It's so important in relationships and it just does not come naturally to him.  But we'll keep working.

Gray is very affectionate and loves a good snuggle.  He will not hesitate to tell you that Raven and Allie are his favorite things in the world (see above on empathy).

He likes being alone at times but also really enjoys others and loved getting to carry out his plan to invite Nanny and Pa for dinner this week.

He is definitely having some good moments with Julia in the midst of lots of arguing.  He was very agreeable and gracious when Julia planned a party for us the other week and he sweetly taught her how to hit the baseball a few days ago which is HUGE for him.

He likes to be messy and goofy and he wants me to document every moment of his life with a photo, or so it sometimes seems.

We moved our big keyboard downstairs last month and Gray spends quite a bit of time composing songs using all the rhythms and music options on there.  Which always makes me think of Ross from Friends.  Though Gray really does have an ear for what sounds good.

He really loves music.  Often the things (besides recess) he'll tell me about school is a song I just have to hear that his teacher or Spanish teacher or music teacher shared with the class.  I hope he will try band and see where that takes him.  This year on several occasions he has tried for a solo part (singing) in school concerts, which just floored me the first time he told me.  He never sings, unless it's a baby song to Allie, and he's not naturally gifted there.  The only time I've ever heard him sing out loud in public was at our very small Good Friday service at church.  He sung every single song for some reason.  Anyway, Gray's kind of a dark horse like that.  Or maybe a wild card.  He comes out of nowhere and surprises me.  So proud of him for trying out.

Gray will also join the church in a week and we've been so thankful to hear great feedback from his class participation...not that he appears to be the perfect student, composed and attentive, but that somehow in all his distractions, he's clearly picking up everything and is able to discuss it.  He has such an interesting mind and I hope and pray he will find a wonderful way to use it for good.  In the meantime, he's going to keep surprising us and we're going to keep learning lots about accepting our child just the way he's made, which is pretty amazing.

J-Crab

It's been a big couple of weeks for Joshua-- or JCrab, as his friends call him.  He has finished his first lacrosse team and started a travel team after his first time "trying out" for a team.

He went on a 3 day field trip to a 4-H camp with Matt and the whole 5th grade, where they did things like make candles, climb ropes, play group games, and sing silly songs.  

He loved it and it wore him out!  

But no rest for the weary because Matt and Joshua had a trip to Chicago planned for that next day.  They got up at 4am and headed to the Windy City, where they watched two Cubs games, ate a lot of good food, and saw a bit of the city.  

Today, Joshua (and Gray) were able to participate in the "mile run showdown" at school.  A dozen or so of the fastest boys and girls in previous miles this school year get to have one more go at it and both boys made it.  I felt emotional as they got ready to run, just remembering my fears of Joshua's Perthes Disease becoming debilitating for him as we sadly watched him miss out on running around and playing sports.  Yet we made it through and that was not to be his story...at least not so far.  He can run and do the things he wants to do.  So thankful!  Thank goodness I didn't see his sweet teacher from last year during the run, as she told me she was crying tears of joy at seeing him able to do this race after sitting out all last year!!

Both boys got a bit slower than their time in the Spring and finished at the end of the group.  Many of Joshua's closest friends (see pic below) are super speedy, and though he has started to try to minimize his risk by not going all in when his confidence is unsteady, he has always been pretty competitive and it couldn't feel good to see them zoom past.  But both boys were all good by the time I saw them after school.  I did find myself thinking, not for the first time, how much we celebrate athletics in our culture and what it might look like to have the school screaming and cheering for kids excelling in other types of competitions too.  What is it about sports that gets us so worked up?!

Joshua continues to adore Allie and he's really good with her too.  He has a natural way of understanding and getting along with people (when he wants to!) and knows how to play with her and respond to her in a way that she likes.  

And speaking of his people skills, I have to record this so one day we can look back on his thoughtfulness and share it with his wife.  It's a sweet card for his teacher.  He's had a great year and I encouraged him to write down a specific memory or thing he has appreciated about her.  I found this on the table later:

Yes, his teacher is known for being quite enthusiastic in volume.  Apparently it's much appreciated by her students.  I guess I should have known that Joshua's not one to get sentimental about anyone but his immediate family...and even that is getting reduced more or less to just Allie as he's withdrawing into that in between little boy and teenager stage.  Just a few more weeks of elementary school for this guy.  I think middle school is going to go great for him, and probably life in general, being that he's mature, kind, and pretty good at most things he tries.  He's kind of hesitant about making decisions for himself, though he usually makes good ones, but once he gets a little more confidence, there's no stopping him!  Soon he will finish his communion class and join the church also.  He is committed to following Jesus and I'm excited to watch his faith grow.

Well finally, I must close with this--another gem of a school picture.  Joshua pulled it out of his folder last night and exclaimed, "These are horrible!!"  We all 6 (though of course Allie didn't really get it) had several good laughs over reading aloud the quote that came printed below and studying all the ways that this photo falls short of the ideal portrait.  :)  For me, there is nothing quite like the hilarity of my kids' school pictures.  Never gets old.

The former baby

Julia has had a lot of ups and downs over our few months with Allie.  She definitely is missing her "baby" role at times.  Even today she was looking at her baby pictures and talking baby talk to me and Matt.  When grandparents are around, she especially seems aware of being booted out of her role.   She is about the only one that gets irritated with Allie and Allie can do things like scratch her sometimes.  She can get frustrated when Allie keeps her up or takes up her room during naps.  But mostly she has been great with her and seems made to be a little mama.  She will reassure Allie when she cries in their room, sing to her, speak to her as if she's the responsible adult in charge, take her on walks, etc.  She is at her best with Allie when no one else is around...i.e. when there's no competition for attention.  :)

Julia is still our sweet and spicy one.  She plans parties like crazy, wrapping gifts for everyone, decorating, putting on music to celebrate.  Recently she had given all her candy away and couldn't find anything for my present so she gave me a couple of her dollars.  She got called out at school for bringing in things for her friends, and told she had to bring stuff for everyone.  I think that was her teacher's way of deterring her from bring stuff at all.  But that would not stop Julia!  On multiple occasions she has brought in little gifts/ cards for every kid in class.

This morning before I was even awake she had started to make me an early Mother's Day present-- a pear made into a person flying a helicopter...based on a picture from a book.  

This afternoon held a long, mostly one way conversation, covering how she will save the world from poverty by getting everyone who has money here to send money to China and then once China doesn’t have poor people, they will send to the next poor country like Haiti and then so on.  😊  Started with asking if we could make some dumplings and rice and mail them to poor people in China.  At the end she threw in a barrel of questions about what would have happened if Adam and Eve didn’t “do that”...would there be less poor people? Would we know that sin is wrong? Was God just using them as an example?  She didn’t really want her questions answered...just to be heard I think.  Oh- and she wants Matt to take her somewhere poor to help people instead of going to Chicago one day.  And Nanny and Pa to take her on her 10 year trip somewhere poor.  And she wants to go to Haiti with Miss Alicia when she’s in middle school.  She definitely has a passion for helping people and I'm excited to see where it takes her.

On the spicy side, she brings so much drama to our lives.  There's her crazy dancing and singing/lip synching of course, but then also drama over everyday things.  

She and I are going to run a mile race in a few weeks and did our first training run this week.  She began by saying she wanted to run around the house till it's been an hour.   I said since Allie is asleep and Gray in charge, we’ll do 10 minutes...that’s about how long it will take us to run a mile anyway.  
J: But that’s so short!
me: The boys can run in about 7 minutes.  
J: Can I do 7?  Please can I do 7?
me: Well it’s about how fast you can run.  We only have two weeks to practice so we’ll just do our best to run the whole time.....  

Then we started out and she was cute as she could be for the first 2 minutes.  Then she says, “Okay I definitely do not want to do 7.”  Ha!

Then “Mommy, why can’t we just turn on the trail to our house?!?!” 

me: But we’ve only been going 4 minutes...we have to go farther till it’s 10 minutes.  
J:  “But it hurts.  Ow, OW, OWWWW, OWWW” loudly the whole way up the hill to our house.  

We went 8 minutes.  She ended grumpy and mad and “I TOLD you 10 was too long.”  Whew.  She has become the queen of sassy arguments and it’s about to do me in.  Hopefully our next run will be more pleasant and she’ll actually understand what running 10 minutes means!

One thing's for sure.  Life with this one is always going to be interesting!!