Catch up part 4: Julia

Last in age, but not in spirit, is our girl Julia.  Never have so many personality types merged in one little body.  Sometimes I find myself thinking Julia is the sweetest little soul I've ever met.  If you do anything nice for her (even letting her taste a small bit of what you're cooking together counts), she is almost frantic to immediately return the favor.  A lady that works at the carpet store gave her some Halloween candy and on the way home she was very insistent that she make and mail her a picture.  She is always wanting to make pictures for people.  She hates to disappoint.  She will say something is "interesting" if she thinks it's weird.  I did my hair all crazy yesterday and asked her what she thought (jokingly).  She made a face and then corrected herself and said, "It's nice."  She loves to help around the house and is especially concerned with giving the boys their stuffed animals and making sure Joshua gets his medicine.  She loves to share any special thing she gets.

And then there's another side.  She can be the rudest thing you ever met as well.  She will absolutely do a teenage flip out on me if she is trying to explain something and I don't remember or understand what she's talking about.  "No!!  You don't UNDERSTAND me!!"  Boy am I tired of hearing that phrase.  She will completely reject our affection--especially Joshua's and Matt's.  She will scream at the boys and order them around.  She is feisty.

Her favorite thing is to play with other little girls.  She is in heaven when she gets friend time and when it comes to girls, she has never met a stranger.  She will grab the hand of a girl she barely knows and before you can blink your eyes they are best friends.  She likes to play anything pretend and loves to get giggly and silly.  We spent Halloween going trick-or-treating with our small group and she stayed in a pack of girls having the best time.  When I talked to her, she immediately dropped her smile and gave me the cold shoulder.  She hates when friend time is over and gets rude or sad.

And then there is the other side.  She will not look at/talk to/acknowledge anyone she doesn't know well who is not a little girl.  Everyone thinks she is so shy and she absolutely plays the part everywhere we go, even towards other moms that she sees often.

She has been going to preschool this fall twice a week.  It's a little class my friends and I are teaching for the KNO kids and she loves it.  She especially likes picking up Francisco and getting to play with him in the car.  She talks his ear off and he seems to like her company too.

When she doesn't have friends around and the boys are playing something together or are at school, she almost constantly asks/whines for me or Matt to play with her.  It's usually a pretend thing and she will wail that "the game" isn't over when we try to quit.  Her other favorite things are drawing and watching My Little Pony.  She likes being read to too and is getting pretty good at reading short vowel words.

My girl is a lot of fun and I love who she was made to be.  She has gotten to be babied for so long now--much longer than the boys who were the "little ones" for only a couple of years--but she is growing up and I know I can't hold onto the baby days for much longer.  I do look forward to watching her grow and learn and become more and more her own person.  She is quite a character!

Catch up part three: Gray

Gray started second grade this year and was raring to go.  The first few days as I asked him if he had a good day, he would say, "Of course I did!  You don't even need to ask me that!"  I wondered if it was a honeymoon phase, as he had quite a few problems last year, but hoped that he had matured a lot and would be smooth sailing this year.  He made a couple of new friends and seemed to be playing with them a lot on the playground, whereas last year he often played alone.  And then after being dry most every night (if I woke him up to go potty when I went to bed), he started wetting the bed every now and then, and then every night.  He started getting yellow dots on his behavior chart.  Towards the end of the summer he had suddenly began having some really sweet moments with Julia, where he would gently teach her things and enjoy playing with her, but those became few and far between this fall.

All of it came to a head at his parent conference where his teacher showed me some of his work that either was kindergarten level or he just didn't do.  She shared how she can't get him to listen when he is reading and it's time to move on and how he doesn't focus during group learning time and can't get his work done and gets a little crazy sometimes in class.  It wasn't a huge surprise, but definitely hard to hear and I didn't know how to react.  Why is he struggling so much?  His test scores are through the roof, so it's not too hard for him to do the work.  Is he not getting enough discipline?  Did we do something wrong?  After lots of research and prayer and talking to others and doing an evaluation, I do think that he has a form of ADHD.  He struggles to get his brain to focus on uninteresting subjects and tasks, but hyper focuses on the things he enjoys.  And that is just him.  I came to think that we just have to help him to function better despite those challenges and then encourage his strong suits so he can excel.  In many ways, I see myself in him, which helps me to relate instead of criticize his nonconformance.  

So far it's been hard to get any kind of concrete help at school.  His teacher says she's working on a different behavior chart for him, but I haven't seen that happen yet.  Some days he brings home a perfect spelling test with small, neat handwriting.  Other days he has butchered a worksheet by scribbling all over in messy handwriting with a crayon.  Some days he fixes his lunch and does his homework in mere minutes without me asking, but other days I tell him 10 times and it takes hours to get his work done.  The pediatrician recommend a full evaluation and I hope we'll be able to do that next year.  Until then, trying to figure him out and how I can be the best mom to meet his particular needs.

Gray is generally a sweet and happy boy, which his teacher affirmed as well.  He loves to laugh and have fun--doesn't like for things to get serious.  He can be very emotional when there is conflict and is very affectionate.  He is so creative and likes to plan things to do, go get the required materials, and do just as he planned.  When we came home from a field trip to the Eno River about early American life, he gathered some sticks and tried to make his own trap.  After making a mask at a Thanksgiving party at school this week, he came home and made his own.  He likes a balance of being alone and playing with others.  He enjoys shooting baskets and hitting baseballs.  He gets completely lost in his reading.  He likes playing video games.  His artwork has an abstract look to it--not precise and measured lines, but creative and free.  He loves to make things.  We've gotten him a bedwetting alarm and he has now been dry most nights for a few weeks.  He loves his sticker chart for the alarm.  This boy has such an interesting mind and I look forward to seeing how he develops and uses it.  Gray is well-liked by everyone and has lots to offer the world.  Love him so much.

Catch up part two: Joshua

Joshua started third grade this fall.  He was very nervous to go back to school, though he knows most of the kids in his grade and gets along well with everyone.  He quickly adjusted of course and has the nicest teacher.  He made a new best friend Seamus, who is technically autistic, though I can't tell.  And he kept his two "old" best friends, Anthony and Joel.  He was able to have all three boys come over on his birthday for an early release day play date.  They made Mindcraft crafts and played the xbox--a little something Matt picked up when he dropped me off to shop at Kohl's :).

This fall Joshua has had probably the biggest challenge of his little life.  He started limping back in September and we thought it was a pulled muscle.  But it wasn't getting better, so we took him to see an orthopedist, who agreed it was nothing...until he took an xray and found cause for concern.  He put  Joshua on crutches, which Joshua accepted with tears...he didn't want them because he didn't want to be different at school.  We were nervous about the prospect of him having the disorder the doctor suspected.  Kids at 9 that get it usually don't have a good outcome and often it's a lifetime of problems.  We went to the annual Hike for Hillandale the next day and sat with Joshua while we watched the rest of the kids run and play.  We noticed a boy in a wheelchair being wheeled out to watch as well and it was a good reminder that we have much to be thankful for.  Joshua has had 9 years to run and play and will be able to again, while this boy never had and never will.

The kids at school have been great with Joshua.  I saw that first day that they were concerned, caring, and thoughtful.  They love helping him and his teacher says his crutches have almost taken on a persona of their own!

We did get the diagnosis of Perthes disease a few weeks later.  The LORD really prepared me to hear it and accept it with an attitude of peace and thanksgiving.  I had just been in Greenville with Jeannie for an adoption conference and the morning I was to come home, I felt very overwhelmed about something, which I eventually pinpointed as fear over Joshua's upcoming Duke appointment.  I kept praying, but thinking, "I don't know what to pray," over and over.  Do I pray that it's nothing?  Is that what is best for him?  Does that bring God glory?  Is it a selfish request?  Do I ask for Joshua to face this trial?  What I want most of all is for him to know God, but it's too hard to ask for hardship for your child.  I just didn't know what to pray.  I went to church with Jeannie and lo and behold, the verse for the sermon was about the Holy Spirit praying for us in our weakness when we don't know what to pray and even one of the examples preached about was a medical situation where you don't know whether to ask for healing or not.  I was so blessed to see God hearing my confusion and fear and speaking to me.  I don't have to know what to pray--the Spirit will do that.  God knows my weakness and I need to just trust him.  I was ready to do that and did not face Joshua's diagnosis with fear.

I am very thankful to report that our last appointment found the doctor very pleased with Joshua's progress.  His range of motion had significantly improved in those 4 or so weeks and the doctor doesn't see any reason that he will have to have surgery at this point.  Hopefully not much of the bone was affected.  Joshua believes that God is healing him and said so just last night.  I pray he is right and that this experience keeps drawing him closer to God.

Joshua is growing up so much.  He has been so resilient with his leg issue--physically he has done really well, but he also has rarely complained after almost 2 whole months on crutches.  He still can be irritating to his siblings on purpose and has sharing and control struggles, but he also is very sensitive and kind-hearted.  He really cares about doing good and feels sorry when he has messed up. He is very soft toward Julia especially.  And me.  I thought at 9, he would be growing apart from me and instead he seems even more affectionate and sweet.  When we're just hanging out at home, he wants to snuggle up to me and give me hugs and kisses.  He still wants me to sing Jesus Loves Me every night and the other morning cried because he had wanted me to come up and wake him up in his room.

These days, Joshua loves playing the xbox and still loves legos.  He's been riding his rip rider to get his bad leg back in shape and is reading often--he's on the last Harry Potter book.  He likes to draw sometimes and is still quite a hoarder, not wanting to even give up the wrappers to his Halloween candy.

He's doing so well at school.  We had his teacher conference a few weeks ago and all the feedback was glowing.  He makes friends easily, does the most advanced work of the kids in his class, is always well-behaved.  It's nice to be able to count on him to do well without even putting any pressure on him.  So thankful for him and looking forward to seeing God work in his life.

Thanksgiving morning catch-up part one: end of summer

Well ever since I figured out how to print my blog, I planned to keep regularly posting so when I inevitably forget all the good stories, I will have a record.  It's Thanksgiving and I haven't written anything since July.

On that note, I woke up this Thanksgiving morning feeling reflective and thought I better catch things up or it will all be forgotten.

We finished out our summer with Matt going to Nicaragua.  It wasn't all he hoped it would be, as he got far less hands on clinical experience than he wanted and there was 20-something year old drama that he quickly tired of.  He was ready to come home after the first week, but overall I think he took away some good experiences.  Talking with their driver was one of his favorite things about the trip I believe.  The four others of us picked him up very late at the airport and we were so happy to have him back.  He had gifts for the kids and the next day, gave us a little slideshow report of his experience.

Meanwhile back at the ranch, I had been working really hard getting the house ready to sell.  The back story to follow, but somewhere in there we had a great weekend trip to the Sound.  The kids had been asking to go back every month since last year and were so excited.  Gray got to use his birthday coupon to go 4 days early with the Moores, Mimi, and GrandGene.  He had a bit of a tough time when we arrived and really needed some alone time at first.  We did all the usual Sound things--crabbing, kayaking, playing at the beach, visiting the aquarium, and feeding sea gulls.  Fun, fun!!

Back to the house story:

Somewhere in August, we were still tentatively making plans to build again and be neighbors to the Stewarts.  Our house is just the right size for us, but we had high hopes of community in our neighborhood and though we got 3 new neighbors in the last year (out of just 5 other houses in our culdesac), that just wasn't happening.  Not that our neighbors aren't nice, but we just don't see them and also longed for the kids to have neighbor playmates.

Then one day while driving in the neighborhood where Barnette and Cindy live, along with most of my friends, I noticed a house for sale that was actually close to our price range.  I looked at it online and it wasn't super pretty, was dated, and had some quirks, but I still wondered.  And then I saw it.  Across from where I went to Bible Study each week for the past few years was the remnant of a house that had burned down.  I heard the people would rebuild but it had been awhile and there stood a real estate sign.  One thing led to another and we decided to try to buy it and go ahead and sell our house.

What I want to remember about this situation is how God worked.  Back when we were looking for land for house #2, we almost bought the last lot in that neighborhood, a few doors down from Matt's parents, where we could still have Barnette be the builder.  I was elated at the prospect of living right down from several close friends and by family too.  I'd been dreaming of having close neighbors for years and was really excited to see that come true.  But it wasn't to be.  Our offer was too low and we couldn't afford it.  I was sad, but moved on.  Sort of.  There was another time that I found a townhome in the neighborhood that was for sale and convinced myself we could move there.  Cue the daydreams of community again.  And the disappointment of reality that it wasn't going to be.

But then here is that lot.  And what was peculiar about us finding it was that the friends I talked to who lived right by it--three separate friends--were shocked it was for sale.  They thought the sign was a builder one, not a for sale one...though as soon as I saw it, I assumed for sale.  Even a friend of mine who works with her husband on their building business saw that we had bought the lot and said they would have bought it had they known it was for sale.  It had been listed since April and no one knew it.

And then there is the location.  It's across the street from my Bible Study leader of the past couple of years and beside her is another good friend that I don't see much anymore, but really like.  If I sit on the porch (which survived the fire) and look to the left, I can see my closest friend Robyn's house.  And then a short walk around two corners and we're at Matt's parents' house.  Couldn't ask for a better location for this one lot in all the neighborhood that we could build on to be located.  Surely it's God answering my prayers in his own way and timing.

We will be sad in some sense for the boys to leave their school.  Actually Gray says he's ready to go right now.  But even Joshua, who has made great friends, knows he also has friends at his new school and is feeling fine about the move.  And being at Cameron Park resolves a lot of the tension that I have felt with being so invested (through KNO) in the children that go to a different school that we do.  Now we will have these kids in my kids' classes and I can go volunteer and see them and keep up with their progress.  This summer I felt God show me that ministry is important and a valid factor in making life decisions.  I can be more invested now that I am closer to their community.  I also know several of the teachers at the school and sooo many more families than I know at our school, even after 3 1/2 years of going there.  And for my ACT group, 4 of the ladies of the leadership team live in our new neighborhood and the other 2 live in that direction.

So here we are in November, getting ready to move in a few weeks.  Our house took a month to sell.  Short, right?  But for me it was agonizing.  I did so much work leading up to it and thought it looked really good.  But then it went on the market and we got very few showings and I just hated the waiting and keeping everything clean and watching the deep cleaning that I had done get dirty again and not knowing if the quirks about our house would keep us from ever getting a buyer.  I was downright anxious at times--like feeling a little crazy anxious.  But I had made a cd for the car and one song in particular really spoke to me during that time:  "I'm restless, I'm restless till I rest in You O God."  I knew that no matter what happened with the house selling I would not be at peace until I rested in God's goodness and sovereignty.

Our buyers are a family of 4 that we would probably be good friends with if our lives intersected.  Barnette said at the beginning of the selling process that he imagined our buyers would be like us and he was right.  The mom and dad are small business owners of a running/racing store.  They were concerned with green building and had lived in an efficient house before.  They have two girls that are elementary age and serious gymnasts.  The day we signed the papers, they brought the girls over and Julia took them upstairs for a dance party in her room.  After they left, she asked if she could invite them to her birthday party because, "I haven't had a playdate with them in such a long time!"

We closed on Halloween and are renting the house back from them, which feels kind of strange.  I have been packing every day since Halloween and starting to feel ready for the move.  Our house was started a week ago and will begin being framed tomorrow.  Lots of excitement this fall and really the move is just one of the big things that I'm thinking of this morning.  But 4 people are ready for breakfast and there are casseroles to bake, so the rest will have to wait...

You've Got a Friend in Me!

Well I don't have the best track record for getting our family out into the social scene.  I often stay in my own comfort zone at home or am preoccupied with other commitments and don't make it a priority to initiate time with friends- whether my own or the kids' friends.  Not so this month!  We have been wheelin' and dealin' over here:)  For example, this week we've already had 5 extra children at our house and it's only Wednesday!  That is big for us.

I don't have pictures of all the fun friend time lately, but here's what I've got:

We had our first ever friend sleepover last weekend and it was a success!  Gray tends to be like me--enjoys being alone; likes friends but isn't that comfortable reaching out to new ones.  He is so used to following big brother around that when he is with his peers, he doesn't quite know what to do.  But he's gotten a few chances lately to hang out with a friend of ours who is also a younger brother and it's been great for the two of them to learn how to be buddies.  Gray was thrilled to have him spend the night, especially after Joshua had gone over to a friend's house last week for his first sleepover.

Happy, but sad.  We celebrated our final preschool this week.  The newest little girl couldn't come, but we had the two that have been coming since last fall and it was definitely bittersweet for me.  I love these girls--like, really love them.  I think at first I just like the idea of them, but as they have opened up and begun to trust me, we have really bonded and I am sad to be finished with our special time together.  When they first came, they didn't know their letters, still spoke a good bit of Spanish with their English, and couldn't write their names.  It is slow going to only work once a week with little ones that don't have the longest attention span, but they have made so much progress and I'm really proud of them.  Tuesday we worked through a little book I made for each of them with words they can sound out, then we got to the party stuff...

Making cupcakes!

Playing...this is some sort of group game they were doing of their own initiative.

Eating lunch (Yasmin's fav--chicken nuggets) and decorating cupcakes.

We let the boys decorate too.

And crafting with beads and pipe cleaners.

Last week we had our first try at having over a select age group of KNO kids to the church for a game night.  It was super fun and great to have a smaller, more manageable group.  Joshua had a blast with the other 3rd and 4th graders.

 Little miss social butterfly got some play dates too.  This girl is ALL about little girl friends and she is not shy about initiating.  She was feeling low after the boys were having all the fun with their friends so we asked a little girl from church to come over.  Turns out, this little one was also craving some friend time!  Julia ADORES her and they have great silly fun together.

 They told me they were putting on a dance show for me.  They came down, posed for pictures, changed outfits, came down, went up to practice, and I don't know what happened after that, but the show never materialized!  They sure were cute as they can be, though.

It has been a full month, though we haven't been anywhere or done anything super noteworthy.  I am so thankful for friends and looking forward to more fun times ahead!

Swimming, Swimming, in the Swimming Pool

We have ourselves three little swimmers, thanks to my friend Dana's great instruction this summer!  They are having so much fun and even swimming across the pool and jumping in the deep end.  This is major for us!  And Julia is hot on their trail in her little float thing.  She goes all over the pool kicking her feet and not a bit afraid.  I think she'll be swimming for real next summer!

VBS and More

Two weeks ago we got to experience Good Shepherd's VBS again.  The last time we participated, Julia was 6 months old and the boys were in the preschool class, so this is the first time they got to really see and do it all and believe me, it is quite a production.  The kids absolutely loved it and I'm finding out even this week all they learned.  Today at lunch, Julia suddenly said, "When we were at the tabernacle, I learned the word sovereign."  She didn't really grasp the meaning of the word, but hey- that is a tough concept for a 4 year old.  I was surprised to find that the boys have a pretty good understanding of the tabernacle, what it meant, how it changed when Jesus died, etc.  Thankful for the great teaching they are getting and the fun they are having along the way!

I helped out in the "marketplace" during the week, so I got to see all the kids come through and help them make things with clay for the first 3 days and make spice bags (or stink bombs, as many of the boys called them) on the last 2 days.  It was a lot of fun and great to be able to get to know more of the kids and put faces with names...or big kid faces with baby faces, since many of these kids I used to know 4 years ago when we were a part of CGS.

I really wanted some of the KNO kids to be able to experience this VBS, but wasn't sure how it would go trying to transport them, if they'd like it since they don't know anyone, if they'd come each day since they can be unpredictable.  The first morning was a little rocky as everyone in the 3 houses we were picking up kids from were asleep (it was early!  especially for summer).  But we made it, got everyone to their groups, and they loved it.  And the other days they were ready to go every morning, so it really did go well and I'm hoping to get some transportation help next year so even more can come.

The last 2 days I brought a few older kids to be my helpers.  It was really interesting to watch them.  When they helped, they were more helpful than the average kid, I think because they have more responsibility at home than most kids their age, with often being in charge of several kids in their homes.  But they also loved sneaking away to make crafts of their own, moreso than the other helpers, I think because they haven't gotten a lot of the little kid experiences that many kids do.  They really enjoyed themselves and wanted to do it again.  Good thing we have another VBS at Grace Hill Church in a few weeks!  My kids can't wait.  Julia said, "I don't want to just go one time and that's all because I love VBS FOREVER!"

I haven't taken pictures much at all, but other highlights lately...

The Saturday after VBS, we met two families from our shepherding group at Lake Crabtree (ha!) for a picnic dinner.  We got there early and piled in a paddle boat, which was pretty fun, but hot.  We enjoyed a big game of kick ball, the boys loved trying to catch tadpoles & finding snail shells, and Julia adored getting time with her little friend.  They were so cute, just laying in the grass chatting away.  Leaving was a little tough.  Gray absolutely reeked from the lake water/mud and Julia was so sad to leave Eliana.  ("But Mommy I want to stay with Eliana FOREVER.  UNTIL I DIE!")

Sunday we met two families and a single guy from church for the last get to know you lunch from our Sunday School class.  Once a month for 3 months, we were matched up with a few other couples so we could get to know each other better over a meal.  We thoroughly enjoyed each one.  As much as we love being with the kids, it's just so nice to get out and have adult conversation!

This past week was Matt's week off of school, so he's been studying about half the time and hanging out with us the other half.  We spent an afternoon at the pool with Kim and the cousins, went to Jordan Lake one morning, had a cookout with Matt's family, and today he and Gray are headed to the movies.

Joshua got to go to Carowinds with Lydia, Jackson, Stacy, and Stacy's friend Sarah.  He was nervous in the days leading up to it, but boy did he have fun.  "The best day EVER" I believe he called it.  As predicted, he took a little time to warm to up to some of the rides, but once he got into it, he was into it!  The Gold Rusher was his favorite.  A boy after my own heart:)  Now, I could handle going to an amusement park with him just fine...when I have gone with Matt, I end up so nervous with all the pressure to ride the scary stuff with him. :)

It's been a fun two weeks and really an enjoyable summer.  Last year I had a list of things the boys had to do each day, like chores, reading, writing, playing outside, etc.  This year we've just gone with the flow.  I've made them clean up some.  They already read like crazy on their own.  Gray made up a poem and wrote it down the other day...I really do need to make him practice handwriting a little more.  But overall, we are just hanging out and doing just fine.  Lots of swimming, movie watching, taking walks, board games.  Just simple days with not a lot planned and I love it.