All good things (and not so good things) must come to an end...

This week marked the end of winter sports for the boys.  Joshua had an awards ceremony for his first school sport- ultimate frisbee.  I didn't really know what to expect and had the kids on my own so really was just focusing on how I was going to keep Allie quiet.  Julia asked if Joshua would be called up on stage and I said I didn't think so.  I mean, he got to start some but he didn't play a ton or have a bunch of scores or anything.  But then they called up kids for winter sports athlete of the week and lo and behold I heard Joshua's name.

He knew he had been chosen but didn't think to mention it. They chose a girl and boy each week I believe--out of all the sports going on at the time.  Nice honor for Joshua.

He also got to go up for having straight A's and for their team winning their division-or conference?? (i.e. They beat the only other Hillsborough team.)  From there we went into separate rooms for individual team awards.  In the frisbee room, a couple great players on Joshua's team were chosen for special awards and then the coach began describing the winner of the next award...the determination award.  She talked about how determined this kid was to get better, how enthusiastic he was on and off the field, what a good sport, etc.  Gray said, "That could be Joshua."  I shook my head and went back to wrangling Allie.  Then I caught her saying this kid came back from Christmas break not rusty as expected, but much better.  And I kinda knew then, because Joshua had told me she was impressed with his improvement and he must have been practicing.  Joshua says that wasn't really it--he just got more confident and started playing hard.  Typical Joshua way of approaching things.  This is how I described his debut playing soccer, his first sport, at 4 1/2:

So this week's soccer game wasn't much improvement over the last. Joshua is pretty naturally athletic, but he would either stand on the field and watch the game go by or he would run with his legs moving but his arms hanging limp by his side. We kept talking to him about it and at the end he did finally kick the ball a couple of times, but he still had that weird run. After the game I talked to him about how he was feeling out there and he said he was wanting to get the ball and win. Really? Then it came out that he wanted to be playing the dinosaurs' team from last week and he said he didn't feel comfortable and if there was a different team next week, he still wouldn't be comfortable. We did some more talking and we'll see how it goes. 

The other thing that side tracked him from playing the game? A girl. Before we left for the game he said, "Mommy, there's this girl named Katie..." in this shy voice with a big smile on his face. He told me a few things about her and how he wanted her to be there at the game. Then midway through the game, he came up and told me he tickled her and she smiled. Eventually during a water break, which Joshua didn't take (who needs water when you're in love?), he started playing a chasing game with her back and forth between the goals.

So anyway, yes, he got a plaque and such kind words from his coaches.  Pretty cool for this kid that hasn't had the easiest time sports-wise, missing a couple years of play with his leg issue.  Thankful for answered prayers and for the fun he had on his first school team.

Moving on to not-so-fun.  Joshua also played basketball for the rec center again this year.  We've been on some terrible teams in our family but this one took the cake.  No wins.  They finished up last night with their final loss and, like all their games, it was pretty painful to watch.  They took their participation trophies (really??  At 12 do they need to do this??) and went home a bit deflated.  Joshua again started slow but made a ton of improvement over the season.  We are proud of him.  But his team never learned to play together so they constantly shot themselves in the foot.  And some of them had bad attitudes on top of that, including the coach.  Oh well, we are building character and learning that life does go on and all you can do is get up again and play your hardest.

Gray's team also finished out their year.  They likewise did not learn to play together well and had a hard time scoring, though they did win a few games.  When Gray was on, he was fearless out there.  He loves to play so much.  He had a good time and did improve a lot as well.  Both boys will probably return next year because they do enjoy the sport a lot.  I had fun watching them, though others in the family might not share my sentiment.  Julia brought a pillow this time and Allie successfully dumped out the contents of my purse for the bazillionth time this season.  :)

At home, the boys are getting geared up for lacrosse, which starts soon.  This year they know a lot of the other kids playing so we are looking forward to cheering on their friends too.  In the meantime, we are loving this weather and getting outside a lot after school.

My favorite is to wander the yard and see all the new plants coming up.  This tree is one of my favorites.  Usually a late frost gets it but for now, it's just beautiful.

Julia has started a new sport-- volleyball!  It's just an instructional league and I haven't stayed to watch but I will get some pics before it's over.  Should have took one Monday.  She wore some Adidas pants with a lovely red plaid 3/4 length shirt with ruffled sleeves.  A style all her own, as always.  After the first practice, she said she never wanted to stop playing volleyball.  After the second practice, she said she got hit in the head and her arms hurt.  :)

Joshua continued to rave all week about how much fun he had at Wyldlife camp.  I pulled this picture off an email.  Thankful for this group!

Celebrate Good Times, Come On!

Family Day, special staff meeting with pizza and cake for me and Allie, Valentine's parties at school, our annual Valentine's Day Treasure Hunt, two Chinese New Year celebrations, Wyldlife Camp for Joshua...whew.  We have partied hard this past week!!  Pics below...

(Side note, Miss Allie sure had a great time, but she's showing her- ahem- other side after all this excitement and special treats!  She has been obsessed with "looking at my candy" and at times a bit miffed when she couldn't eat what she wanted when she wanted.  I am happy it's all coming to an end and we are back to normal life!!)

One Year

 This week we celebrated Allie's Family Day.  One year home with her.  Can't even believe it.  Like many things in life, it feels so distant but so recent at the same time.  I looked back through all our pictures of the trip and it brings up so many feelings.  The day we met her in her home was overwhelming.  We'd gotten lots of pictures of this smiley, adorable girl and that's what I had focused on.  Our experience at her home was very different.  Though it was freezing outside, it was terribly hot in the apartment.  And loud.  I felt compassion for these children but also for the nannies.  It was like being in a small room of a daycare with a bunch of cranky toddlers who all had special needs, physical and some emotional.  Whew.  My natural instinct was to run.  And then there was Allie.  She was covered in a rash and terribly unhappy that we were there.  This is not the stuff dreams of meeting your child are made of.  It was kind of scary to know she was about to be ours.  And it would only get scarier.

I remember our first glimpse of her as we got off the elevator.  She had fallen asleep after her flight.  When she woke up and realized it was us again, she flipped.  As is still characteristic of her today, if she gets crying, you think she will never stop.  She cried through all our paperwork, questions, and all the way back to the hotel.  I watched as her caregiver left and it about knocked me over thinking that there went the last person she knows in the world...probably never to be seen again.

Though as you can see on my face, I was just happy to have her.  I couldn't comprehend her fear because I didn't know her.  I remember that night we finally got settled in the room and decided to go to a restaurant in the hotel for dinner.  I put her in the baby sling and carried her down and I felt so overwhelmingly proud as the ladies at the restaurant fussed over her.

She didn't smile for 3 days.  Didn't talk, didn't walk, stayed in "koala mode" every time we left the hotel.  It was overwhelming.  We weren't sure what we had gotten ourselves into.  Who was this girl that we'd committed ourselves to?  Not even thinking about her health needs yet, what was she even going to be like socially and emotionally?  I constantly looked up others' stories online to reassure myself that this was normal and she was just scared.  I kept telling myself and Matt that she was experiencing trauma but not until I really knew her months later did I feel heartache and realize just how terrifying being taken away from her people into the arms of strangers was for her.

Gradually we began to see glimpses of the girl we'd seen in the pictures.  She began to smile more and she has been a ray of sunshine ever since!  

China was tiring.  So exhausting.  The time change was one thing, plus the busy schedule.  But the emotional stress was probably the main part.  And the baby that didn't always sleep through the night.  

 A few days after Allie was given to us, we hit rock bottom.  We did not want to be in China anymore.  We were so homesick for our other kids.  I could barely even think of their faces without fear of melting down.  We took this pic waiting for a riverboat cruise to begin.  Ready to go home!!!

 But as I think back on this time last year and look at our adventures, I don't think so much about the hard parts.  I think of how amazing China is.  How funny, how beautiful, how different.

 I think about the smells, the food, the people and I'm there in my mind and have such a feeling of connection and fondness.  I'm thankful for that.  I will pass this on to Allie.  I'm thankful to continue to bond with her birth country through new friends, through the children in our lives who have come home from there, and through the families I'm getting to know through my new job.  I hope we will go back one day.  It is so far and so expensive.  But one day I want to take Allie and remember all that we experienced moving heaven and earth to get to her and bring her into our family.

Going back to toddlerhood has had its challenges.  Being mother to a child with a broken heart--also challenging at times, with probably more difficulties in the future.  But by virtue of who she is, Allie has made this experience far more wonderful than I'd have ever thought.  This girl has radiated joy through losing everyone she knows 4 times, going through two big heart surgeries, and coming to a place that is completely foreign to her.  I know that she is so much better off in our family than in that loud, cramped Beijing apartment.  I know that having parents and siblings who can adore her will make her life better than institutional care.  And I know that she needed us to bring her here so her heart could be repaired.   But mostly I just think of what an honor and a privilege it is to be her second mother.  Happy one year to her and to us!

I wanted to make a video with the song "In my daughter's eyes" but my program wouldn't allow it to be used.  So I'll just put the lyrics here.  They ring so true and sometimes have multiple meanings, such as hanging on when her heart has had enough.  Makes me so teary.  Praying the years ahead are not so traumatic for her as her first two, but I know that in everything hard, God uses these things to make our stories so much richer.  And boy will Allie have a story to tell one day.

"In My Daughter's Eyes"

In my daughter's eyes I am a hero
I am strong and wise and I know no fear
But the truth is plain to see
She was sent to rescue me
I see who I want to be
In my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes everyone is equal
Darkness turns to light and the
world is at peace
This miracle God gave to me 

gives me strength when I am weak
I find reason to believe
In my daughter's eyes

And when she wraps her hand
around my finger
Oh it puts a smile in my heart
Everything becomes a little clearer
I realize what life is all about

It's hanging on when your heart
has had enough
It's giving more when you feel like giving up
I've seen the light
It's in my daugter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes I can see the future
A reflection of who I am and what will be
Though she'll grow and someday leave
Maybe raise a family
When I'm gone I hope you see how happy
she made me
For I'll be there
In my daughter's eyes

Things are Hoppin'

It has been such an eventful week or two lately.  So much so that I had to call my mom in for reinforcements last week and boy was it nice to have extra help!  I have had the opportunity to work week nights with my new job, mostly doing "Winter Camp" classes--lots of conversation about things like travel and hobbies with older kids and singing and dancing some catchy tunes with younger.  It's fun, but I ended up working almost 40 hours last week, mostly during the early morning and after the kids go to bed and I quickly learned one thing...I can't keep up this pace and do everything I usually do.  Sleep is not overrated!  So I will be cutting back a bit.

In the midst of all the working, we also had a bunch of the boys' games to watch.  With the weather improved, they had their regularly scheduled games plus makeup games.  I do enjoy seeing them play and the girls have been great to sit through it all...though I will say having a toddler at the games means sometimes missing your kids' scores while you retrieve all the important items and trash she dumped from your purse or take her to the potty...again.

We also had a fun evening with church coming over to play the "Newlywed Game."  We used to do this with our Durham small group and I was excited to pass on the traditional to our Hillsborough crew too.  Always lots of laughs.

While we partied in the living room, Joshua went to his Wyldlife meeting, Allie slept, and Daddy and Gray attended the highly anticipated Valentine party over in the office, planned and thrown by Mama and Julia.  Julia cannot get enough of party planning and of course Mimi was much more into helping her than I usually am.  Did I mention how nice it was to have her around?!?

Somewhere in there, the kids had birthday parties to go to, Joshua decided he loves his contacts, and Julia and Gray got new glasses.  Julia is thrilled to be able to see!

And just when we thought we were done with adoption paperwork...like a year ago...we are back at it again with Allie's readoption papers--some official papers from the state that will make things like school registration easier, since her birth certificate is Chinese and very different from the usual American one.  This process involves a meeting or two with the clerk of court, more paper filling out and notarizing.  More holding your breath that you didn't put someone's birthdate wrong or sign the wrong line!!  Hopefully all will go through at our next meeting in a couple weeks and that will be the end of it.

Speaking of Allie, we are approaching one year with her.  Can hardly believe it.  More on that another time.  Just so thankful.

A couple more pics from lately:

A post NC State beats UNC howl on the deck with Julia.

Gray getting lots of extra Allie time.  He even gave her a bath!

Allie and Caleb being super helpers at a food collection.

Super Bowl with Nanny and Pa

Joshua's boycotting the playing teams.

Patriots fan, but he's so laid back about them losing.

We are heading into a time of more and more celebrations!  Allie's one year Family Day, Valentine's Day, Kids' Night Out valentine theme evening, a couple Chinese New Year parties.  So much to party about!  Have a great week!

Sno much snow.

All the days of this month are running together.  I think the big kids have only been to school a couple of full days.  I know they were off last Wednesday through this Tuesday because of our big 10-11" snow and then teacher workdays.  Other than that, not really sure what's happened this month on any specific day.  We have played a lot with friends and family.  We've had some sports stuff.  I've worked a lot and Matt has had his usual work schedule.  We have had a slight bit of sickness, but mostly well.  Some pics from the last two weeks...

I lost my favorite hat and started crocheting again.  Then I found my favorite hat.

Early morning teaching in the girls' room.  Allie is usually Julia's compliant student.

What happens when Daddy falls asleep on the job.

First day of snow...it poured all day.

Allie's homework assignment- build a snowman

Gray loves to play "Allie knocks Gray down".

Warming up from the cold.

Trying out cornhole in the new loft Matt and Barnette built inside the garage.

Celebrating our neighborhood friend's one year homecoming from China day.  My girls wore their Chinese dresses and I wish I had a picture of Gray, who upon seeing the girls in their dresses asked if he could run back up and change into his "ge ge" (Big Brother) shirt from China.  

I am so thankful for these friendships!  Allie will grow up seeing that there are lots of families just like hers and knowing wonderful children from China just like her.

Allie with the guest of honor by the smore pit.  She was pretty darn happy about her first (I think?) taste of smores.

Tomorrow it's back to the grind for the older kids.  Of course Allie and I have already put in two days of work at preschool this week.  :)  It's going to be a rude awakening for Gray especially, who got to take another trip to Great Wolf Lodge Monday night and is on his way back tonight.  And it will be a little tough for Joshua, who was fitted for contacts (!!!) today and is nervous about going to school without his usual look.  I remember when he had crutches his 3rd grade school year and forgot them at home one day.  He was so nervous to walk into school (even though he had been off them on the weekend at home) because he didn't want the other kids to notice the difference.  That's what's going on now.  But I think he's going to find them so much better for sports and he did flash a big grin when I reminded him he'd actually be able to swim with goggles and see!  It's a trial for a week and we'll check and see how it's going.  And I must announce too that Miss Julia does indeed need glasses as well.  She's quite excited.  Matt did an unofficial test using a beer bottle at a certain distance and proclaimed that she was going to need them and it turns out he was right.  They come in in a couple of weeks and I'll post a picture.