Bittersweet

It has been a bittersweet last week or so.  We found out shortly after I wrote my last post that my cousin Costner passed away while recovering from surgery in the hospital.  He was just 20 and no one expected this to happen just yet.  We gathered the next day at my grandmother's house to see his mother, my aunt Cheryl.  Boy did it feel way too soon to be together with our SC extended family, in my grandmother's house, mourning another passing.  Weren't we just tearfully hugging all of these relatives over the loss of my grandmother?  What a year for our family.  

We returned home that day and carried on with our "normal" lives, while Cheryl lived a far from normal week in which her other children, my dear cousins, came in from South Korea and London to grieve with their mother and plan Costner's memorial service.  I took the kids to the museum and we had a nice July 4th with friends.  

So many pictures we have taken over the years on this dinosaur.  One day I will put them all together.

Digging up shark teeth.  She was a little dangerous wielding this shovel.

Matt told the kids to learn something new and Julia dutifully recorded lots of insect facts in her notebook.

Matt had to go to work after dinner, sadly, but while did fireworks with more of our neighbor friends, he got to step outside the hospital and watch the big show at UNC.  Allie loved and was afraid of the fireworks.  She buried her head on my chest and shouted "Close it!!" (meaning to cover her exposed ear) when anyone made a move to light another. 

Someone was a little nervous with the sparklers at first.  :)

Love this pic of Gray and his friend Will, who moved to the neighborhood recently, huddled together to watch the show.

The rest of our week was more friend time, pool time, and packing, as Gray was due at camp in Asheville on Sunday.  

Saturday, we said our goodbyes to the kids and Raven and Matt, Gray, and I headed out to rejoin my family, who were gathering in Asheville for Costner's service.  Oh it was so sad to remember Costner through the years and know his time here is done.  I was a teenager when he was born, so there are a lot of memories of him as an adorable baby, his funny antics as he grew up, his struggles and victories with his health, his close-knit family who gave so much of themselves to care for him, his incredible laugh (especially when my grandmother was around) and the way he'd look into the eyes of those that he loved.  It was precious to hear stories about him.  It was meaningful to hear the pastor at his service affirm that his life helped us learn to love and be better at relationships, as those who are different from us or weak tend to do.  It was heartbreaking and wonderful at the same time to hear his big sister stand before the church and tell about the Costner she knew and how fiery and amazing he was.  I haven't had a lot of loss in my life, but this year I'm learning how bitter and how sweet it is to spend time together reflecting on all the stories of your loved one and your relationship with that person, while mixing in the sadness that this chapter is closing.  I'm sure the closer you are to the person, the more bitter it is...or maybe both the good and the bad feelings are just more intense.  

Getting to be with my "international" cousins Clarke and Constance was so good.  We rarely see each other for more than a few hours of a visit maybe once a year.  There were lots of old stories told, lots and lots of laughing...just the way it always is when my family gets together.  

Jeannie had the idea to give Cheryl a rose bush and for us all to make memorial stones to go with it.  My family really got into it and I loved how each one reflected their personality and what they wanted to convey to Cheryl about Costner.  Julia's little heart with wings was such a beautiful idea.  Joshua's patchwork rock was carefully and creatively done.  Gray's glow in the dark rock was off the wall and cool like him.  Allie's was simple and sweet and "helped" by Julia.  They did not have as much time with Costner (especially time that they can remember) as I did, but all the same, knowing him affected them and I think will always help them to be more compassionate and accepting of those with special needs.

   We spent Saturday night with my sister and soaked up a few extra hours of talking and playing before we dropped Gray off at camp.  Gray's counselor seems great-- a former camper there for many years-- and Gray was nervous when we left, but hanging in there just fine.  I know he relaxed much more when his buddy Eli arrived. 

The girls and Joshua had a great time with Nanny and Pa.

Cabin life.

 Matt and I spend the rest of the day visiting with my mom, Cheryl, and Constance and -you guessed it- telling more family stories and laughing.  Oh I love my family.  What a blessing to get more time with Constance than I've had in many years.  Monday they all headed to take Constance to the airport and we said more tearful goodbyes.  There is not much I dislike more than goodbyes.  

Matt and I had planned months ago to stay in Asheville a few days, thanks to Cheryl's invitation for us to have an "anniversary" getaway, so we spent our day exploring Asheville.  We did some hiking, walked downtown a little, had some good food, and headed over to New Belgium Brewing for a free guided tour.  I heard it would be fun and it did not disappoint. Now I've never really liked the taste of beer and can't comfortably drink it anymore anyway b/c of the gluten aspect, but it was still a great tour.  Our guide was extremely good at his job-- he made us laugh often and was great at conveying the scientific process and the heart of their company.  They have some amazing ethics with their commitment to the environment, their employees, and the community.  I was very impressed.  Matt loved the tour and that had nothing to do with all the free beer they gave out.  Every 20 minutes or so, we'd stop at a bar somewhere in the building and all would get a glass or two of beer.  As previously mentioned, I do not care for beer, but never fear-- Matt loves it enough for the both of us and was able to consume my share of the free drinks as well as his.  :)  Fun times.  

We headed home to Cheryl's and walked to a great restaurant for dinner.  It's been so nice to be out of the usual routine.  I even took 2 mornings off work, which has felt great.  I enjoy the job and it's my choice to work as much as I do, but still--staying on top of teaching 7 days a week is a lot.  So nice to go to bed not having to make sure I'm all ready for the morning and to wake up and not immediately launch into work.  Thankful for this trip and time with Matt, thankful for my family and for the chance to remember Costner with them, and looking forward to being back with the kids again.