"Can you give Gray Gray a hug?" "Gray Gray's going outside now." "Give Gray Gray a high five." This is how Gray talks to Allie, in a high pitched, gentle voice of course. He's still head over heels, though this month has brought some good lessons in what real love looks like because Allie is kind of done with being smothered and Gray kind of doesn't know any other way to love. He doesn't have an innate sense of how to give and take in a relationship. His perspective is something like "if I like it, you should like it and if you try to show me you don't like it, I will just keep it going till you do like it." He's learning though! He's starting to sing her songs that she likes instead of get in her face as much. He's saying okay and backing off more if she tells him no. It's tough to get what feels like rejection, even if you are being a bit unreasonable.
But Gray has come so far emotionally this year. Our therapist tells us that kids with attention issues tend to be a couple years behind emotionally. At 8, I distinctly saw big steps in Joshua's maturity. For Gray, turning 10 has coincided with him getting a lot more control of his emotions (though I think he'll always wear his heart on his sleeve!), becoming more reasonable, and being able to communicate a bit better. All such a relief. I can now tell him to do or not do something that I know he's not going to be happy about and get an "okay" much of the time. That was unheard of last year, no matter how simple or reasonable my request. I feel like we are able to see more of Gray now instead of just dealing with a series of tornadoes. We still have our tough days, but so thankful for the progress.
Gray continues to excel at sports. When he was little, we didn't see the natural athletic ability that Joshua has displayed since he was a toddler, but whatever he lacks there, he's more than made up for by now with his determination, relentless ball playing, and fearless attitude. Lacrosse was a new one for him too this year but because he leaps before he looks, he has done really well getting in there and grabbing the ball with no worries about getting whacked, and staying super focused on getting the ball to the net. Most games he was able to get a goal. The hard part was his unwavering focus on goal-making as a measure of his worth. He is sooo into stats and was always calculating his average goals per game. Every single day when we walk back from the bus stop he is telling me his stats in kickball at recess. He will go on and on in front of his peers about how he did in whatever athletic thing he tried that day and how horrible he was if he didn't measure up to his standard, with no regard for how the kid listening did on the same game or race. I think it's the thing that most concerns me about Gray--his trouble with empathy, especially when he's fixated on something. It's so important in relationships and it just does not come naturally to him. But we'll keep working.
Gray is very affectionate and loves a good snuggle. He will not hesitate to tell you that Raven and Allie are his favorite things in the world (see above on empathy).
He is definitely having some good moments with Julia in the midst of lots of arguing. He was very agreeable and gracious when Julia planned a party for us the other week and he sweetly taught her how to hit the baseball a few days ago which is HUGE for him.
He likes to be messy and goofy and he wants me to document every moment of his life with a photo, or so it sometimes seems.
We moved our big keyboard downstairs last month and Gray spends quite a bit of time composing songs using all the rhythms and music options on there. Which always makes me think of Ross from Friends. Though Gray really does have an ear for what sounds good.
He really loves music. Often the things (besides recess) he'll tell me about school is a song I just have to hear that his teacher or Spanish teacher or music teacher shared with the class. I hope he will try band and see where that takes him. This year on several occasions he has tried for a solo part (singing) in school concerts, which just floored me the first time he told me. He never sings, unless it's a baby song to Allie, and he's not naturally gifted there. The only time I've ever heard him sing out loud in public was at our very small Good Friday service at church. He sung every single song for some reason. Anyway, Gray's kind of a dark horse like that. Or maybe a wild card. He comes out of nowhere and surprises me. So proud of him for trying out.
Gray will also join the church in a week and we've been so thankful to hear great feedback from his class participation...not that he appears to be the perfect student, composed and attentive, but that somehow in all his distractions, he's clearly picking up everything and is able to discuss it. He has such an interesting mind and I hope and pray he will find a wonderful way to use it for good. In the meantime, he's going to keep surprising us and we're going to keep learning lots about accepting our child just the way he's made, which is pretty amazing.
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